Mis Say-So

It never occured to me that I will be a housewife for such a long time. Well, there's no one else to be blame but me. I don't know for how long I will still be stay at home mum, but I hope I can get the best of it. Because I still can't find it beneficial for me especially in terms of financial. I don't know for how long I can cope with no income in my life.Nobody knows that deep down I'm lost and wasted. I'm so lost.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to myself, happy birthday to me...as of now, no one sings me a birthday song..so I sing by myself..huhu..actually, since I was a teenager the celebration is only just a dinner with no gift.Haha..We don't really celebrate.I envy with people who always have balloons, cake and gift everytime on their birthday.Haha..perhaps its just not a pratice since my early teenager- on my side. Anyway nobody cares..haha.The world keeps on spinning anyway.Just a day passing by. ☺ Cheers

Yearning for excitement, yearning for something fun and new, yearning for a holiday..But no money.Haih..dont know when I can go on a long vacation...I wish i can go on a holiday somewhere I can just enjoy, have fun and care-free..I guess I have to celebrate in a small way by my own (in a discreet way) this year and who knows if it will be the same in the future. What you give you will get them in the future..People said happy people are the ones who make the best of what they had. But I couldn't help to longing and dream about this..Life has been hectic and I find it more hard to find a time for my own fun time..without any rush or schedule.. I need to sleep on time and wake up on time so that my day will be well spent. If not everything will be late..I know this is what a mother will have to bear with but I also have come to a realization that my life is boring..Ahaks. The end.

I'm so sad today..I know this blog will not be read by anyone from my family. Even if it does, it will be way too long already..It is all out and clear as of today that none of my family members are good in comforting and motivating someone who is sad or has given up their hopes. I know I have not write here for a long time.Well, this time I have no one to talk to..Since it involves internal issue and family member, I just want to write here.. Nobody understands that I am a person who likes to keep it to myself and I will break down teruk2 when I finally give up..When I say break down, my tears and cry will be so sad that the tears will run down like water pipe. So, my family when they see me crying without stop in front of them..they think I was being so emotional for no reason and I dont have solid reason to do so. Thus, they think I over react and being so selfish for crying so bad..They give advice but they seems to be like more of a scold and not motivating and comforting eno...

As long as I can remember, Disney has never fail to create a great movie - a really feel good movie with a whole lot of good values that we can learn. Even the soundtracks made by Disney since I was little were among the best ever. I still remember when I was in Standard 6, the first cassette that I wish to buy was "Disney Love Hits". It features all top soundtracks from Beauty & The Beast to Tarzan. Until now, the songs are great to listen to because nowadays, we can never listen to songs like that anymore. Slow, inspiring and magical. Today, I got the chance to see Real Steel again. Yes, I've seen this movie before but this time, I really took the effort to think about the values and emotions that the movie brings. When I watch this movie, it reminds me again the reason why Disney movies are so great to me. It always teaches us all the good values that make us humans and to have the life to be worthwhile. So called a feel-good movie.The story line uplift the valu...

It's true when new year is just another day..As of today, my world has been busy, busy and actually I still lack of vacation..dreaming to go somewhere new. Because of the expected change to come in my life, I still has not step up to meet all those deadlines or targets..I'm so weak..I was wondering whether it was lazy, easily tired or  not enough motivation or.. willingness to be good...time is always not enough..but likewise people will tell that you have poor time management and etc..usual reasons..But its not just about manage..it's about the ability to keep on going..sometimes we planned but we still not able to do it.. Image credited to addy-ack@Deviantart

My inability to be alone has proved to me again.We always think people will be there for you when they need you but now I think that is not true. Even the fact that it's beyond their capability to be there for me, I still couldn't accept. But I guess this is the final straw. It is confirm that the statement of people will be there for you when you need them is not valid everytime. The world is not cruel but that's just the way it is. P/s: Thank you for showing me that now,well at least now rather than later. Walk alone... Image credited to Muffinka013@Deviantart

As life feels lonelier by the day, I  should sit down morw often on my own, without tv or etc and just write and think.Sometimes our dependent towards people had caused you to hurt but at the end of the day it is entirely your sins that causes you this and it is actually nobody's fault to be blamed. That's how Allah swt had planned. And it is true that we put our happiness at other people's hand.My birthday went on just like normal and it is just one calm day. September almost coming to an end but since August, I had felt many departures of people leaving, out from the circles of my life..it's true when they said the constant thing about life is Change..People will come and leave..We have to learn to accept and totally accept what is destined for us.

We are here, now in the month of Syawal. Ramadhan has passed and another year to go for it. Time is crucial.As we grow up, we learn more and more things that are valuable to our life. We realized that we have spent our time on so many wasted stuff..It's become clearer to me that the time we spent on someone is much more valuable than the time we spent on materialistic stuffs..People need help, they always need help. But it is always seems that we, or specifically me, doesn't have enough time on our working days. I also realized how ironic it is, when someone that (seems to) have everything like money, wealth, houses, cars and etc, actually doesn't have anything.While a person who (seems to) have nothing, own a small piece of wealth, actually owns and have everything in the end..And like what everybody says, it is the end that matters.

On the surface people can know why he/she is not happy based on recent events. People will think that we are sad because of those events. But actually we are sad because we have triggered the old same scar or burden that we had before..sadness or failure that has not been resolved. Deep down further, if there is an old scar deep down beneath those skin, and no one can know from the surface.. that can make you feel sad or more sad again, then it is only in Allah SWT knowledge. I mean, that is really sad right..old scar and no one knows it. Argh, what a tiring thoughts. Wondering why they are people behave the way they did and caused us to be emotionally and physically tired.. Should we teach them a lesson because of their repetitively lack of empathy or concerns? We suffers and create depressions when we face it alone.. Image credit @Deviantart

Alone..doing everything alone the same thing for several times is really depressing..I don't know why..are you prepared to be alone if it happens? If you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life, wouldn't it be a burden for you to think it as a depressing thing for your entire life? Being the loner of the siblings, I'm having the same experience that both of my parents have..now I know why they fear to be alone..I admire people who is a single mother..I admire their mental and emotional strength..now, I'm sitting here crying and depressed to go out alone again to the same restaurant..that I just went yesterday..wow..I cannot define that..maybe lack of courage, no determination like the single mother..Yes. Image credit to Kayleigh June@deviantart 

I would like to take this opportunity to tell someone that I love dearly, Wan Khaldun Ghazali, that you have bring so much joy in my life and I love you from the bottom of my heart...I love to see you happy and your sincerity in loving me with all your heart makes me cry for having you in my life.. Nobody wants to understand me as much as you do..and nobody can makes me laugh that hard naturally...I do hope we able to achieve what we have dream of and I know you are such a gentleman at heart. And I couldn't ask for more.. Nobody is perfect but somehow you make the imperfections perfect. I don't know how you did it but somehow you did. Thank you. I know you have done your best. Thank you for all that you have given to me..They are times that it might seems I did not appreciate it but I do very much indeed from the bottom of my heart.. I love you Wan, I like to see you always happy in your life... :) because you have bring so much to mine. =D Image credit to Eltasia@D...

For the past few months, many events have take place and many emotions have been felt. Nowadays people mostly don't have feelings or care when they deal with others. They can easily hurt you, as if they don't think when they want to talk..That is so weird. I have the chance to realize that life is a test. Life is purely a test from Allah SWT. We was sent to earth to take His test.It is nothing but a test. So, when people said do not take life seriously. They are wrong. They are totally wrong. If life is a test, we must excel wisely. That is where the ilmu comes..How strong are we in seeking and acquire knowledge about Him or Islam as a whole?  When we think of the heaven and the earth, the earth is Allah SWT gift for us - mankind to use wisely, spend time wisely, appreciate things and use wisely... When you look back, the most precious time on earth is when we spend our time with someone else. Playing ball with your son, having a laugh with your daughter or even riding a bi...

Last Sunday, I managed to took part in the one of the biggest event in Penang. Running (supposedly) on the Penang Bridge with the distance of 10km and it's sure a challenge for me because I did not trained myself to be fit for this. But still I decided to give it a go. In the end, I just got lucky to get the finisher medal. Yes, the target is to get this medal but I actually thought I could not make it to the finish line on time. This year medal design is really beautiful compared to previous years. I also heard that next year it will be at a different new bridge- 2nd Penang Bridge expected to be completed Q4 FY2013. Lastly, for memories sake....

September is my birthday month..This year--for the first time ever-- I received a bouquet of red roses for my birthday.Finally, it happened..My birthday celebration last weekend made me feel so special..A dinner treat and a big chocolate cake..Hehe.. ~ ~I want to thank that special someone with my deepest gratitude and appreciation...Thank you so much for your love that you have given to me...

 Image credit to brenditaworks@Deviantart Yes, I did it again..My blog has been on a full stop since last year...I am regret to say that I was not able to catch on to a laptop/desktop at the right moment to write my blog. Practically, I did not own a laptop because I was using my father's old laptop. But when it has been borrowed by someone, it's harder for me to have access to write with my own sweet time....Time seems to be envy with me.. And yes, there's another person who has stolen my personal time before I go to bed..But that person cannot be blame entirely for this..He has given me the sweetest joy that I've never had when it comes to affection. Hehee~ ~  And also, my career has been putting me with a lot of work, since April. My old boss has been replaced with a new boss who has the total opposite of characteristic from the old one. So, from non-aggressive type of boss to an aggressive type really means you have to step up to meet more ...

Wah, it's been a while that I haven't update this blog..huhu. My no of visitors have been increased. That's great! ;P For the past one month, I've experienced changes in terms of working environment. It takes time for me to digest and adjust. ;p Just last week we had an annual dinner at the Spice Market Cafe (Buffet style) in Rasa Sayang Resort & Spa, Bt Feringgi. The moment I entered the hotel, I was mesmerized by the hotel's interior..simply superb. So, later when I found out the room rate is RM700++ per night..Gulp!..Dream on, Nadiah..hahaha..! Not affordable at this time. The lounge room is huge..like a king's hall. hehe..After we passed by the lounge room, we went to the Cafe'..Nice.. We arrived at around 8 plus and have the time until 10.30pm to eat all we want..Hahaha-Evil laugh-..Sounds grand?..But for the first time I saw all the foods available, I had to make rounds to see which one to ea firstt...SO many, I didn't know what would be...

One of the best thing about working in Dell is the benefit to always have free stuffs and gifts..Well, it depends on which department you're in, I guess..hehe. Nobody in this world doesn't like free stuffs. During Microsoft week, Consumer Marketing & Sales team always get free lunch/tea- Nandos, Subway, Domino's, Starbucks or Secret Recipe. Pendrive, carry case for laptops and cool T-shirts are the things that we can get for free when a new fiscal year starts or during any Marketing events. And during certain celebrations, gifts are given to the team..I'm lucky enough to be a part of Dell that have a really great support in terms of their employee welfare and appreciation. I will miss all the free stuffs...heh.. :P Chinese New Year Since this is one of the important celebrations, we have CNY dinner for the whole team. Everyone who attends, have to pluck an angpow each and I managed to get a RM88 angpow!! My director gives me RM10..ok la tu..hahah..They als...

A visit to a place can change your perspective or view. My visit to BNM was one of them. I got to see a totally different working environment than I had in Penang. Their formality in their work culture is far more strict and driven than mine. We also got the chance to have a Q&A session with one of the AGs (Forex n Investment arm). She told us about how the minds of our Governor and her Deputy works. Our Governor is a person that can see the main important keys of a problem even though the problem are perceived to be so complicated by others. She will say like, " It is simple here, there are only 3 roots of problems that we need to solve". As for her Deputy, he will say like, " Nothing can't be done, everything is possible. Don't say this cannot be done, for me anything can be done if you want to". With these kind of positive mind and attitude, no wonder these people are clearly the perfect man for the job ;D Most of the employees esp. the top guns g...

Nak jadikan cerita...my mentor is the one who leaves Dell. I never expect he will leave Dell one day or at least within my probation period. Without him here, uncertanties in my job will be a lot bigger and will be covering wider scope..But I will remember what he told me on his last day, "Don't be afraid of making mistakes, since you are new no one's gonna blame you for it. People make mistakes so many times before they can get used to it." Since most of the time my job involves direct contact with him, his absence will be felt more or less. Nonetheless, it's a pleasure to have the chance to know a person like him =) Really cool to talk with.Thanx Nick.