Mis Say-So

It never occured to me that I will be a housewife for such a long time. Well, there's no one else to be blame but me. I don't know for how long I will still be stay at home mum, but I hope I can get the best of it. Because I still can't find it beneficial for me especially in terms of financial. I don't know for how long I can cope with no income in my life.Nobody knows that deep down I'm lost and wasted. I'm so lost.

We have come to a new year..2015 has been about my baby and wishing him the best life now and after.A year passed so fast and I will be like "I feel like that event just happened 6 months back". But actually it was a year ago. 2015 full of commitment, tight up and hopefully I have some break for myself this new year. But who knows, coz there are still a lot things to do. Plan, plan and plan...Let's rollout ! Hehe... Happy 2016 =) Credit: Raw Poetry@deviantart

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to myself, happy birthday to me...as of now, no one sings me a birthday song..so I sing by myself..huhu..actually, since I was a teenager the celebration is only just a dinner with no gift.Haha..We don't really celebrate.I envy with people who always have balloons, cake and gift everytime on their birthday.Haha..perhaps its just not a pratice since my early teenager- on my side. Anyway nobody cares..haha.The world keeps on spinning anyway.Just a day passing by. ☺ Cheers

As long as I can remember, Disney has never fail to create a great movie - a really feel good movie with a whole lot of good values that we can learn. Even the soundtracks made by Disney since I was little were among the best ever. I still remember when I was in Standard 6, the first cassette that I wish to buy was "Disney Love Hits". It features all top soundtracks from Beauty & The Beast to Tarzan. Until now, the songs are great to listen to because nowadays, we can never listen to songs like that anymore. Slow, inspiring and magical. Today, I got the chance to see Real Steel again. Yes, I've seen this movie before but this time, I really took the effort to think about the values and emotions that the movie brings. When I watch this movie, it reminds me again the reason why Disney movies are so great to me. It always teaches us all the good values that make us humans and to have the life to be worthwhile. So called a feel-good movie.The story line uplift the valu...

It's true when new year is just another day..As of today, my world has been busy, busy and actually I still lack of vacation..dreaming to go somewhere new. Because of the expected change to come in my life, I still has not step up to meet all those deadlines or targets..I'm so weak..I was wondering whether it was lazy, easily tired or  not enough motivation or.. willingness to be good...time is always not enough..but likewise people will tell that you have poor time management and etc..usual reasons..But its not just about manage..it's about the ability to keep on going..sometimes we planned but we still not able to do it.. Image credited to addy-ack@Deviantart

My inability to be alone has proved to me again.We always think people will be there for you when they need you but now I think that is not true. Even the fact that it's beyond their capability to be there for me, I still couldn't accept. But I guess this is the final straw. It is confirm that the statement of people will be there for you when you need them is not valid everytime. The world is not cruel but that's just the way it is. P/s: Thank you for showing me that now,well at least now rather than later. Walk alone... Image credited to Muffinka013@Deviantart

" The intention to stare at your love for a long period of time in public, in front of everybody - just can't be fulfilled and it is only because I'm afraid of people will think that I'm crazy. But they just don't know the awe and love that I felt just to see his face." ~There's some kind of magnetic force but I have to repel it with the time constraint that we have to meet... Image credit to EliseEnchanted@Deviantart.com

When you realized that you are stupid and not that clever enough, it is something that I will have to remember for the rest of my life. After all this time, I'm just one stupid girl who knows nothing. As a human being that's what I am. Nothing but a spec of dust. There's no point pretending you know everything but it's not worth in the long run or on the end. You will regret the things that you've done because of your 'lack of knowledge' but we have to move on. Keeping the realization at the back of my mind.

As life feels lonelier by the day, I  should sit down morw often on my own, without tv or etc and just write and think.Sometimes our dependent towards people had caused you to hurt but at the end of the day it is entirely your sins that causes you this and it is actually nobody's fault to be blamed. That's how Allah swt had planned. And it is true that we put our happiness at other people's hand.My birthday went on just like normal and it is just one calm day. September almost coming to an end but since August, I had felt many departures of people leaving, out from the circles of my life..it's true when they said the constant thing about life is Change..People will come and leave..We have to learn to accept and totally accept what is destined for us.

We are here, now in the month of Syawal. Ramadhan has passed and another year to go for it. Time is crucial.As we grow up, we learn more and more things that are valuable to our life. We realized that we have spent our time on so many wasted stuff..It's become clearer to me that the time we spent on someone is much more valuable than the time we spent on materialistic stuffs..People need help, they always need help. But it is always seems that we, or specifically me, doesn't have enough time on our working days. I also realized how ironic it is, when someone that (seems to) have everything like money, wealth, houses, cars and etc, actually doesn't have anything.While a person who (seems to) have nothing, own a small piece of wealth, actually owns and have everything in the end..And like what everybody says, it is the end that matters.

On the surface people can know why he/she is not happy based on recent events. People will think that we are sad because of those events. But actually we are sad because we have triggered the old same scar or burden that we had before..sadness or failure that has not been resolved. Deep down further, if there is an old scar deep down beneath those skin, and no one can know from the surface.. that can make you feel sad or more sad again, then it is only in Allah SWT knowledge. I mean, that is really sad right..old scar and no one knows it. Argh, what a tiring thoughts. Wondering why they are people behave the way they did and caused us to be emotionally and physically tired.. Should we teach them a lesson because of their repetitively lack of empathy or concerns? We suffers and create depressions when we face it alone.. Image credit @Deviantart

Alone..doing everything alone the same thing for several times is really depressing..I don't know why..are you prepared to be alone if it happens? If you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life, wouldn't it be a burden for you to think it as a depressing thing for your entire life? Being the loner of the siblings, I'm having the same experience that both of my parents have..now I know why they fear to be alone..I admire people who is a single mother..I admire their mental and emotional strength..now, I'm sitting here crying and depressed to go out alone again to the same restaurant..that I just went yesterday..wow..I cannot define that..maybe lack of courage, no determination like the single mother..Yes. Image credit to Kayleigh June@deviantart 

For the past few months, many events have take place and many emotions have been felt. Nowadays people mostly don't have feelings or care when they deal with others. They can easily hurt you, as if they don't think when they want to talk..That is so weird. I have the chance to realize that life is a test. Life is purely a test from Allah SWT. We was sent to earth to take His test.It is nothing but a test. So, when people said do not take life seriously. They are wrong. They are totally wrong. If life is a test, we must excel wisely. That is where the ilmu comes..How strong are we in seeking and acquire knowledge about Him or Islam as a whole?  When we think of the heaven and the earth, the earth is Allah SWT gift for us - mankind to use wisely, spend time wisely, appreciate things and use wisely... When you look back, the most precious time on earth is when we spend our time with someone else. Playing ball with your son, having a laugh with your daughter or even riding a bi...

Image credit to BetaAquilae@Deviantart At the office with only a few of my colleagues left, the thought of eating at Subway alone make me want to stayback little longer and listening to slow melancholic songs....particularly one of them. Actually just want to listen for the first time because its a new release, but I've become addicted. I keep on replaying the songs for so many times, the sounds of the guitar and the melody are really nice..to see their smiles-- a bonus. =P " You'll never love yourself Half as much as I love you You'll never treat yourself right, darlin' But I want you to, If I let you know, I'm here for you, Maybe you'll love yourself, Like I love you "       The song is perfect for relaxing and pondering by myself, sitting, looking at the outside alone.... 

 Image credit to brenditaworks@Deviantart Yes, I did it again..My blog has been on a full stop since last year...I am regret to say that I was not able to catch on to a laptop/desktop at the right moment to write my blog. Practically, I did not own a laptop because I was using my father's old laptop. But when it has been borrowed by someone, it's harder for me to have access to write with my own sweet time....Time seems to be envy with me.. And yes, there's another person who has stolen my personal time before I go to bed..But that person cannot be blame entirely for this..He has given me the sweetest joy that I've never had when it comes to affection. Hehee~ ~  And also, my career has been putting me with a lot of work, since April. My old boss has been replaced with a new boss who has the total opposite of characteristic from the old one. So, from non-aggressive type of boss to an aggressive type really means you have to step up to meet more ...

We have arrived to a brand new year for Muslims-1433 Hijrah.As I look back, it doesn't feel like a year has passed. A year sure doesn't have 12 months to me, hehe.. I learned that: Photo credited to *impatienss from Deviantart.com When you didn't get the things that you want, He just knew that you're not ready for it. As you grew older with, so many things that we need to do, keeping yourself  fit and healthy is the most important investment. Stay young~ It is truly worthless to try to keep everyone happy when at the end nobody will care for you. It is just not worth it. We only work for the things that we know & acknowledge its important in our life. I still love Backstreet Boys songs even though some of the songs reminds me of my first love..Unrequited love but still couldn't understand why he dedicated "Never Gone" song to me..I guess it was never meant for me.. :P But still, I'm a fan. The moment you give up on yourself is th...

One of the most beautiful moment is sunrise. Early in the morning.. The clouds spreading out from the center.. Between sunrise and sunset? I prefer sunrise. The surrounding is calmer and less noise..Plus, the air is more fresh..I believe so, hehe ;P What's your choice?... :)

Banking industry is all about their services. But i was surprised by how both of these banks differ greatly in terms of their service. Last month, i opened an account from each of these banks respectively. Maybank lose badly and CIMB wins unanimously. The first shortcoming is Maybank requires you to fill in a form that looks like a booklet. (Go figure!) Why do they want all that much of information anyway?...Ridiculous. CIMB? No forms required =) All personal information were typed straight into the computer. (Duh! that's what i expected in the first place and Maybank didn't do that). Second, the layout floor in this Maybank branch is not even customer-friendly. There's barely enough seats for customers to wait. Standing can really piss off the customers. At this CIMB branch, well there's enough seats alright. In fact, they provide service that was quick enough to not keep us waiting.Plus, they were far more friendly than Maybank and not just that, at Maybank when as i...

The topic of disagreement : why can't they just unite? I don't see why being united is a problem. Isn't being united is good?...isn't that a moral value that have been encouraged by God?..As a citizen i don't see any difficulties to achieve that. Especially the Malays-we are preached by the same religion. I don't see any benefits could come from discord or disunity. Nowadays politics seems like rubbish when they bring nothing but nuisance, headache and disruption. -sigh- Complexity does not exist if we could just stop being selfish and just move forward together with great visions and values for a better future .